I have struggled with the idea of belonging since I left my parents' home to live with my person. Moving out felt amazing in a sense of independency, commitment to my person and the creation of new traditions, customs and memories. 
What I did not expect was to come across this struggle of belonging. To feel at home, felt like having to travel back to where I grew up and to spend time with "my" people, the ones I spent my younger years with. After a couple of years as we transitioned to the current town we are in, I came across a church that gave me the opportunity to feel welcomed while introducing me to what community is. Even though, we lived in this town for a little while, there was little to no connection to folks. This left me with a sense of being lost and/or not belonging. I will forever be grateful to my church friends for teaching me what community is in their own way. 
As time has moved on, I have continued to struggle with this sense of belonging in different parts of my life. As a spiritual person I have always done my best to hold the bigger picture, however, the feeling was constant. While I have met amazing folks and have connected, I continued to feel as if I did not belong. 
One day I decided to sit with plant medicine as it called me to do so and in my journey with it, I was able to feel this sense of belonging. It came through the land and the realms of the elements. Stepping aside from the human experience, the animals, and fire among others welcomed me in a way that felt unique, inviting and welcoming. As weeks go by, I begin to have a sense of the need to honor Earth and the resources it provides us with. Yes, recycling, less usage and what not, however it is more than that. Creating a relationship with the Earth and its resources in connection to myself and the parts of me that are fueled by them is of the essence. 
This relationship continues to grow as I became responsible for the nourishment of a group and in doing so, I have come to experience and understand that my need stems for connection and relationship building with the land before anything else. 
I am Earth, Water, Air and Fire among other elements that exists within me. To honor myself, I must be in unison with the land. I am not here to fit into anything but my own true path. This is the key to belonging, at least for me!!

Change is a word that many cringe at, and I am one of those. However, I have learned to cringe with easy, gentleness and compassion. During the past two months there is so much that has happened and for that I am grateful. 
In the beginning of what it was the beginning of the Pandemic within the states, there was a lot of anxiety, feeling of loss and overwhelming amount of responsibility that took over. From a daily routine, we went to becoming unemployed, teachers, stay at home parents and all that it encompasses. Then came the time of having the feeling of having time so all these "must do's" took over only to lead to more emotions. These rose up from the depths of what is that has been programmed into our thought processes and habits. We are so used to having something to do, of occupying's our minds and schedule that there is no time or room for feelings or emotions. 
Time passed, I was visited by my friend and teacher Bell (Bell's Palsy). Her visit was scary and educational. Bell showed me how I was paralyzing myself by not taking action and then I reacted by asking , I already do so much, what are you trying to say? During my time with her I learned and acknowledged that I have not been doing for myself as much I needed to. Taking care of myself in a way where I am no longer suppressing what comes up for me. Oh believe me this is so easy to do! When feelings arise it is easy to suppress them by focusing on other things like children, work, spouse, at the end, anything and everything possible. So instead of putting a fight with Bell, I began communicating with her, learning of when I needed to slow down, how and when to ask for help and also a new way of not internalizing the feelings and emotions that came up.
My communication and relationship to Spirit helped and guided me through this process, especially when resistance would pop up. Spirit was showing me a way of living where I take care of myself by expressing what is happening, by opening up to receive help and overall by teaching me to not do things that are not in synchronicity with my heart. 
In all of this, so many other teachings came through. To connect with my heart and live from it, is to discover who I am, what I love and embrace it. This means change is coming and it is happening because I have said yes. Yes to ME! 

I feel compelled to share what holding space throughout these past couple of months has felt like. To hold space is to be able to witness another person or situation, while practicing awareness, acceptance and compassion. As the news of this unknown virus and became the center of it all, energy has shifted and it can be felt throughout Earth. 
In the last 3 weeks, many of us have been impacted by the decision that the state has made to try to prevent the spread of this virus and protect those who are at higher risks of complications. Change in general is overwhelming and all of us process it differently, however, these are happening fast and there is no time to sit with it. We have to make the changes necessary and learn how to cope with it in the best of our ability.  As a result of all of this, many have lost jobs, care for their children and the ability to connect with others in general. Goodness!

In my heart I know I am not alone and I am grateful to have a plan in place to do with my children what we usually don't have a lot of time to do. However, does this mean that I have it all figured out? I wish I could say that. 

The truth is that I have had times where I have to step away and hold space for me, allow myself to let my emotions and feelings be processed. This is one of the most important parts of my to do list at this moment and one of the things I have prioritized. Holding space for ourselves, means that we are aware of our feelings, accept them and practice self compassion. Once I am able to do this, it allows me to pull out whatever hat I need to wear to hold space for others. Sometimes that hat is of a mother, partner, daughter, neighbor, among many others.

Some examples of times where holding space for others are when we are faced with someone's situation or  reaction. I invite you to look within and hold space for yourself, while holding space for them. This may mean, shortly disconnecting from social media or being fully present when someone needs to vent. Honor what feels right for you and know you are not alone. We are all unique human beings that process life in our own ways. I invite you to hold space for yourself in this time of uncertainty and for those around you whether it is on the phone, virtually or 6 ft. apart.  Brightest Blessings!